Once Upon A Dream

Snip Snip-Thanks for your comments! Black-Hmmmm...I found your comments especially interesting. The "who is the narrator talking to" question is something I hadn't thought about, but it did make me ...

Yeah...I see what you mean. It's kind of a "you had to be there" poem. This is a rather personal piece for me, so I'm not really interested in elaborating ...

The rhyme scheme sounds forced most of the time. I think this could also be made more emotional by expanding on your thoughts and the emotions you want to express. ...

Great ideas presented here. The classic "it can't happen to me" illusion destroyed. Nicely done. My only suggestion would be to smooth out the flow a little, especially in the ...

I could totally see her lying just got me thinking...awesome dark, creepy, sort of etereal imagery. Great work.

Nice flow to this. Overall very well written. Ummm...other than that, I got nothing. Sorry for my lack of constructiveness :D LUV ur username, btw.

Beautiful imagery and language use...last line was awesome. That's really all I have to say.

Okay, some revisions. Niteowl, I did take some of your suggestions, but I generally feel that for my work, too many periods kind of breaks up the flow, so I ...

The rhyme scheme was too uneven. In some places it was AABB and in others it was ABAB. Also, to be brutually honest, I thought it was your basic cliche ...

I really have nothing to say about this other than I really, really liked it. Wonderfully creative and well written. Excellent.

Meh...it's kind of bland and unexpressive. Put more detail and emotion into it. And be more creative. Cutting/bleeding/dying-in those exact words, anyway-are getting overused in poetry. I did like the

I like this! I have a bunch of poems like this as well, so I understand the reason behind the short, simple verse. Clean, clear emotion, simple but deep and ...

I was confused and found the whole thing jumbled, especially the middle stanza. I think this needs to be developed more.

I agree about the repetiton, but that aside, this is a great piece. Good use of langauge, good emotion, good descriptions. Nice work!

I agree that the emotions in this piece seemed flat and bland. We're all familar with that numbness when something bad has happened, but it doesn't quite translate into evoking ...